you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
