The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
