I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
