he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
