she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
