all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
