I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
