ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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