so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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