Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
