I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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