Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I party with great urgency now.
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