My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
