She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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