Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
