I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
