He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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