I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
