it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
