If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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