You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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