oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Shame - the story of my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
