My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
