I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
