She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize