I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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