woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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