did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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