I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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