There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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