11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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