You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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