i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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