Duck Duck Cougar?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my shit smells like andre
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
