are you still at the devil's house?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
