we have pet lesbian snakes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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