I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
