I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
