my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's like iHOP with fire
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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