so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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