3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my being single is dangerous.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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