It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
