At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
