the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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