Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
