i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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