he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
