You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
