I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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