you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
