all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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