All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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