That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
