how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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