i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
