When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
