He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
