It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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