Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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