How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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