Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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