Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
