he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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