i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm really busy with my period
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