Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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