Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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