You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
