he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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