I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
