I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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