got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
