Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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