why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
