he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
