Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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