I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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