ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
