Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
