I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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