wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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