a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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