You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
