Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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